Last week was Spring Break. Everyone was ready for it. The students. Me. I was especially ready for some down time while battling this antibiotic that hopefully has killed the bacteria. (*See below for an update.) I love a break from my routine. I can easily feel confined by having to be at a certain place at a certain time – day in, day out. A break is a reprieve from that monotony.
Yet, I also find that I flounder a bit without a routine. I feel like I suddenly have extra time that I can do whatever I want with. At first, I want to rest. Then I want to watch some TV. At some point I figure I’ll want to work on a project, get ahead with some grading or prepping, write a chapter of the book, etc. By the end of the week I’ve accomplished few, if any, of those things.
I have no idea. I had the best of intentions.
Last week I can genuinely cut myself some slack. I really did not feel well – upset stomach, tired, emotional, scared (yes, I know scared is an emotion). What about all the other breaks I’ve had where nothing got done, though?
Perhaps because routine is a structure. A framework.
Without a framework, the building collapses, the boat sinks, time fritters away.
I can’t help thinking, though, that a routine isn’t the most important issue here. Yes, it keeps the building upright, the boat intact, the time managed. But there is something deeper, something upon which the structure itself depends.
Without a foundation nothing can stand. There is no grounding, no anchoring, no agenda. It’s all just pieces.
Maybe some of these “optional” projects I have lined up for myself don’t get accomplished because I’m not entirely clear why I want to do them. I haven’t spent enough time building the foundation and I’ve rushed ahead to start decorating this metaphorical building I keep talking about.
This is an issue I’ve been struggling with for awhile now. I’ve written about it before. Maybe this is a first step in finding an answer. . .
*Update: The blood work came back equivocal. As near as I can tell, this means they have no idea, but there probably was bad bacteria (to use a technical term) that causes Lyme disease. The bite mark did have a bullseye, which means it was an infected tick. They drew more blood and I’m waiting to hear the results.